Looking forward

It’s been a hard week.  A hard weekend.  But surprisingly, not a hard road ahead. Actually quite a peaceful and happy one.  This little image sums it up perfectly…

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We chose to walk away. We did the try harder thing.  We were miserable.  We were making each other miserable.  I have had exactly 1 day of anxiety since we made the decision.  And that was because I was panicking about money, starting again, and romanticising the good bits of us.  We had a fight. On text. It pretty much outlined all the reasons we just don’t match.  We were destined to not be in a relationship.  BUT – We have an amazing bond.  We do have amazing times together.  We laugh, we enjoy each other company, we can support each other.  Just not while we’re together.  It’s a hard thing to grasp but I love DP a hell of a lot and I am so grateful that we still have the good bits.  Even more grateful we have none of the bad.  Or at least if we have the bad we’re not trapped in a relationship trying to deal with it and just becoming more miserable.

I’m looking forward to the rest of my life with someone who became one of my best friends.  Who I can tell anything.  Who I can have a low day with and he knows what junk food I like and exactly how I want my drink, not to mention exactly what I’m going through.  I can lay all over him like a sloth and he’s just there for me.  And the same in reverse.  Without the relationship, I can be a proper support for his anxiety, because I’m not questioning if it’s my fault he’s anxious.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sad it’s over.  But the instant relief is worth it.  We watched a movie on the couch together.  Talked about our days, talked shit, didn’t talk at all.  Absolute comfort.  No stress.  No tension.  Just friendship of the best kind.

Thanks DP for swiping right.  Thank you for the last 9 months of the best and worst of roller coasters.  Love you to the moon and back.

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PS.  You give the best hugs, so you are NEVER getting out of that one!

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